Podcasts & Transcripts
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Finding out as a teenager you were donor-conceived
How we became a family by using a sperm donor
Talking to young children about using a sperm donor to become a family
Talking to your children about being a donor
Talking to your children about using an egg donor to become a family
..."And I know that I definitely respect my parents a lot for having told me given that they could have kept that information from me. So be honest with your kids, they’ll love you no matter what.”
” I think some parents think they shouldn’t tell once their child is past a certain age. But I think, regardless of the child’s age, the sooner you tell the better, even if they are 21 it’s better knowing then and knowing the truth than never knowing at all.”
“I think that parents should be honest with their children and have always believed that, about everything, not just donor-conception. Donor-conception is a different way of forming the family. It should be... if you’ve chosen to go down that path it should be something that you are honest about and with that honesty I think will come mutual respect between parent and child.”
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“I think it’s all got to do with at the very beginning just accepting what’s happened to them and finding a place for it and once they’ve settled on that they’ll be able to feel that it’s all right. They can speak about it and therefore they’ll speak to their kids about it.”
“I think the best thing to do is be open with your children about it. Open from the very beginning. I know of some donor-conceived children that found out later in life. And they’ve been quite bitter about the whole thing…..We basically let them know that there’s another person in the background that has actually helped produce them. “
...So was there much reaction from the kids?
“Not really a lot. You know...big deal! Really, I think that’s good in a way. There’s nothing unusual about it or nothing that’s going follow up in a few year’s time thinking; oh why didn’t we know this?”
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“It’s understandable to be apprehensive, of course it is. It can be quite a scary and challenging thing but in the end the important thing is tell kids early. I think that it’s really important; it’s something that they always know.”
“We started saying it out loud to kind of see how it would sound, to see what words we would use. It’s almost like we got a few trial runs at it. We got to experiment, give it a go, before it really begins to sink in. So that by the time they got to three and a half, four and that was earlier than we thought - we felt much more confident doing it. We kind of got over that initial anxiety ourselves.”
...”But at the same time it has nothing to do with our daily lives or their daily lives so that it’s important in one way but then in a huge way it’s not. There are a hundred things that are way more important; his friends at school or whether it’s the day he wears his runners because he’s got sport.”
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...There is no “right “time (to tell) but the “right” time might be now.
Stewart: “My advice would be to tell. Certainly it’s never as bad as it seems to give this information to other members of your family. You know, I think, you couch it in as simple terms as possible, give as much information as you feel comfortable with and let them absorb it and let them if they want to come to you with anything else they will
Olivia 15 yrs: “I didn’t have a very big reaction and it doesn’t affect me or my daily life. I just know about it and that’s all people deserve to know and have the truth.”
Tom: 12 yrs: “Well it’s probably a fact about their life that they should know about…. I think they should talk to them in an easy to understand way.”
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"I think the most important thing is to not have it be a big deal. To me the earlier you tell the easier... the less of a big deal you can make it.”
Kim: Mother of donor-egg conceived twins
Devon: ”Definitely go up and let your kids know. Make sure it’s not...a complete shock.”
Rachel: ”I think they should know...I think they should know.
Jesse: ” Well I don’t think it should be kept as a secret or something.”
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